FIGHT OR FLIGHT part 2

You will never be strong enough to defeat fear until you are weak enough to stand in His love.

In Fight or Flight part 1, I told you that I had come to the very end of myself. What I didn’t tell you is that I had come to the very end of any human help. My need was just too great. Friends, although still loving me, didn’t know what to do. I had pulled away from my family because I could no longer pretend everything was ok. There was literally not one human being on this earth that could be of any help. I was alone. And it was the best possible place I could be. I was finally weak enough for God to begin His new work in me.


THE BATTLE WAS MINE

“...then, armed only with his shepherd's staff and sling, he started across the valley to fight the Philistine.” 2 Samuel 17:40b NLT


Up to this point in my life, whenever something bad happened: when I was lonely, when I was scared, I would immediately seek out someone that I knew would make me feel better. I fed off their strength; stole from their peace. I don’t believe that seeking comfort from a living, breathing human being during a time of difficulty is bad. Quite the opposite. However, if you are getting your strength...your peace...your joy from that person, it will never sustain you. The grace God gave to them was meant for their own battles...not yours. The battles we must face in our lives generally require us to stand and fight alone. We may have the best and most loving support system standing on the sidelines cheering us along, but the actual battle is ours to fight. Remember David and Goliath? David had the entire Israelite army AND King Saul standing behind him when he turned to face Goliath. Yet, when it came time to actually fight; to face the giant and fling that stone, David stood with no other man beside him. God will have it no other way. When you find your own personal Goliath towering over you: mocking you, mocking God...this is a battle that you...alone...must fight.

WEAPONS FOR WARRIORS

That moment when you ask for a sword... and God hands you a stick.

Now that I understood that I had to learn to fight, the weapon God gave me looked no bigger than that stone in David’s slingshot. However, truth may be flung as a pebble but it lands like a boulder. That was what really killed Goliath. Truth. David got it. He trusted Truth.

I’ll never forget the day that I flung my first stone. I’m sure you are thinking the situation must have been fraught with excitement; drama untold. Nope. I was simply walking down a sidewalk on my way to get a latte. As I was walking along, not really thinking about anything in particular, fear walked up behind me and grabbed me by the throat. No warning. And sure enough, just like always, I broke out in a cold sweat and started shaking all over. Fear started ratcheting up toward terror until I literally stopped in my tracks and simply said “NO!”. Then I started quietly restating every truth I could remember. God loves me. I am SAFE. God has NOT abandoned me. Everything God does in my life is for my GOOD. God has a plan for my life that he is ACTIVELY carrying out. I MATTER to God. GOD IS STRONGER THAN SATAN. The next thing I knew, light filled my soul and the weight of darkness that flew off of me literally left me gasping. Love filled my being with so much JOY that I found myself standing in the middle of that sidewalk laughing out loud. And I had just the tiniest vision of Jesus with tears in his eyes...tears of joy. He was SO proud of me!!

THE BATTLE WAS WON BUT THE WAR ISN’T OVER

“Aslan" said Lucy "you're bigger".
"That is because you are older, little one" answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger".”
― C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian: The Return to Narnia

Fear still stalks me. It always will. To believe anything different goes against what Jesus said we will have in this life. But I am no longer terrified of fear. I have seen how weak it really is and how strong God will always be.


Today things are far brighter than those days of darkness. Still, every now and then, Satan tries to grab me by the throat again. He is merciless in his hatred for mankind. I believe it is because God offers us something he knows he will never get...a second chance. Redemption. 

I have to remain diligent. I have to remain teachable. To think that I have "arrived" is the first step back into darkness. And when that giant tries to grab me by the throat again, I pray I will always remain weak enough to throw the stone that lands like a boulder.